I have no blood*. I don't have any blubber either. This means I'm always cold. The second a chilly breeze hits me I'm walking around in a parka, shaking like a chihuahua. This also means that people think there is something wrong with me because I'm a freak for heat. I gravitate toward anything warm with a sort of sickly devotion. I hoard blankets in my house like a troll. I keep my thickest spare sweater at work...and wear it...always - which prompts concernicus looks from everyone around me. I take random showers just so I can enjoy the scalding hot water and make the bathroom my personal steam room. I've even burned the inside of my nose from leaning over a steaming pot of boiling water. Brilliant, I know. But I'm desperate. If it wasn't for Sig-O** and my dog, who take turns keeping me warm, I'd probably freeze to death during the night. It's that bad. Really. I'm starting to think I'm cold blooded or something. It took 120 degrees of heat in Arizona this summer for me to finally feel cozy.
This isn't fair. I want to be one of those people who can walk around in shorts and a t-shirt in the middle of winter, snow be damned. Even if they do look retarded. Please, send your freakish heat waves my way! I'm serious.
Sigh. Maybe I'm an ice monster. Secretly. You know, like Frosty*** or something.
*No, really. In fact, every time I get my blood pressure taken they ask me if I feel faint. They won't let me give blood either because they say I'll just pass out right away.
**For those not in the know, Sig-O is my significant other. Commonly called my boyfriend.
***Don't even argue that he's not a monster. If your snowman suddenly started running around talking to you, you'd shit your pants
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