how to be a creeper 101

Let's be honest.  I'm a creeper.  I am.  I have an unconscious addiction to listening in on conversations and answering questions not directed at me.  Luckily, however, I know I'm not alone.  My friends are all creepy too.  Case in point, B*.

Blondie and I met as roommates freshman year in college.  I soon noticed that we shared a knack for being creeptastic after we were placed in a room on the third floor that gave us a perfect spy view.  We would huddle in the window like trolls looking down on the tiny people below who crossed under our viewing bridge, and we would listen to their fights and parties and phone conversations.  By year's end, and after accidentally electrocuting a few fish, we probably could have told you some awesome stories about people we had never even met.  The trend continued during our first floor placement sophomore year, but remained harmless. 

Our creeping, though,was kicked up to a new level during our junior and senior years.  Junior year began the infamous Parking War with the neighbors in our apartment building.  During this fierce battle, we would duel for the closest spot, each fearing to park next to the dreaded dumpster.  In the end, we outnumbered the competition two to one, and we valiantly squared off against our Beemer driving foe.  Luckily for us, we were not adverse to using spy techniques to win the game.  We used our best creep tactics, peering vigilantly out the window to see when Beemer Dude left his spot vulnerable.  Awesome as we were, we would call one another over to the window to ponder how he could be so stupid and we would swiftly swoop in for the kill.  Though I do believe Beemer Dude was unaware of our tactical advantage, he was obviously competing just as hard as we.  Triumphantly, we ended up with a streak of occupying the first and second spots, while Beemer Dude was left to settle for third.  Score.  Though the battle raged on through the middle of senior year, we believed our creeping to be a harmless advantage.  Besides, he didn't know we were spying on his every move like overprotective den mothers.  

However, we were forced to reckon with just how skeevy our creeping was when B** got a girlfriend.  A girlfriend who lived in the house next to ours.  Whose window looked directly into TWO*** of ours.  At first, things were ok.  The shades to the two windows facing hers were kept down to avoid any gross encounters.  But one day, desperate for sunlight, we opened them.  A few hours later, Blondie got a phone call from B.

B: Hey, are you home?
Blondie: Um, yea. Why, what's up?
B: Are you in the kitchen?
Blondie: Yea...
B: Hey, I have a surprise for you.
Blondie: OK(?)
B: Go to your window.
 
And Blondie walks over to the window.  Only to find herself staring B in the face from across the way.  And he was waving. 

B:  Hey!  I SEE YOU. (excited smile)
Blondie: (insert freaked out grimace, with eyebrows raised) Uh ha-ha, you do.
 
Yep. Turns out the creepers were being creeped on.

We didn't look out the window for a while. Lesson learned.


 
*Not to be confused with Blondie.
**B is a good friend, but is waaaaay more creepy than we are.  He's that guy.
***One looked into the living room and the other looked into the kitchen.