Holy Holiday, Batman! Yeesh, it's been a long time since I've posted. But never fear, my virtual amigos, I haven't forgotten about you. I've spent the past several weeks doing last minute Christmas shopping and enjoying some quality unplugged downtime with psycho dog, kitty meow, and half of my family. Alas, I'm back in the coal mines and I have plenty of fuel for my blog fire.
Being back at work means two things to me: 1) I have to endure ridiculously sad looks from my dog when I crate her before leaving for work and 2) I have to start dealing with office supplies again. Now, after some time, I have regretfully become accustomed to enduring said puppy dog eyes, but the same ease has not come when faced with the latter. As was evidenced today. By my wild flinging of whiteout. All over my pants. My. Black. Pants. Awesome. I love work. For good measure today, I even threw in a nosebleed this morning when I was out of my office issue tissues, and a little something I like to call eating-shit-on-the-mail room-floor-because-my-heels-are-slippery-from-the-snow. Cool. I love Mondays.
Despite these things, and in spite of the mountain of email I had after being out for almost two weeks (what part of Out-of-Office auto reply don't you people understand?!), I'm in a pretty good mood today. Which is why I am taking the leisure time (take that, deadlines!) to discuss being paranoid. Now I don't mean being paranoid in the strict psychological sense of having a mental disorder. No, no. What I'm referring to are those little moments when you're walking down the sidewalk with one person behind you and you wonder if something is stuck to your butt. Or when you're driving home on the highway and someone takes the same two exits as you and you start to wonder if they're following you. Or when someone you're talking to wipes their nose and you suddenly think you must have VBs (visible boogers, for those of you not in the know) so you start wiping yours too. Or when you're in the bathroom and you feel like everyone can hear you breathing (newsflash - they CAN!). For some reason, this happens to me all the time. Seriously. Anytime someone looks at me, I wonder what's wrong with me. And you know you do it too. Just think about it. Or maybe not, because then you'll be paranoid about being paranoid. Gah.
Maybe I just think this way because I'm prone to accidents and random embarrassment. If I think there's something on my face, there's a fair chance I have a pen mustache. Because I'm five and I don't play well with ink. Just sayin'. Who knows man. And if you just tripped over something and you're all alone, yes, someone somewhere saw you. And laughed.
And it may have been me.
Showing posts with label Hmmmm.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hmmmm.... Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Thursday, December 2, 2010
does this mean i'm racist?
I don't consider myself a racist. But I have noticed a few things. And I'm not the only one. So if you're a minority or a foreigner and you're easily offended, you might want to stop reading now.
I was just having a discussion with my friend Jack*. We were going back and forth about driving woes when I mentioned I'd love to complain about foreign drivers (mentally referring to Asians**) in a post but that would be racist. The response I got?
Jack: "Not racist, foreignist. Unless they're asian and you focus on that. Then it's racist."
Excuse me, what was that? When I said "horrible foreign drivers" you immediately assumed I was talking about Asians without me having to say it? Gee, I wonder why you jumped to that conclusion. NOT. Enter my complete lack of surprise. Why? Because it's true. Every morning on my commute to work I spy at least five of these poor souls looking lost and confused as they frantically (or hesitantly - which is even worse considering the vicious nature of American motorists) try to navigate the roads. For some forsaken reason, the concept of "merge here" doesn't seem to compute with them. They consistently try to continue driving next to me with a confused expression, competing to be in front even though -following the "zipper" merge method- it is rightfully my turn to go. WTF people? Wait your turn. I don't know why you look so confused. It's not that hard. This isn't to say that they are the only offenders in this respect - they are hardly the only ones who do it. But next time you're driving, look at the Asian driver next to you and tell me they don't look scared or confused by their surroundings. Am I wrong? Even Iz agrees with me, and she's Asian.
Maybe there's some cultural connection that I'm missing. Maybe not. But this same clump- and-ignore-the-people-trying-to-get-around-you concept doesn't just apply to them when approaching a merge in the road. They do it on foot, too. On my college campus, we had a huge foreign exchange population. This made for some awesome diversity at the school, and I was very much a fan of it. What I was not a fan of was what Blondie and I came to call "flocking Asians."*** Essentially, this referred to the obnoxiously large gatherings of exchange students on the sidewalk. These people would flock into groups of about ten and would just stand in the middle of the sidewalk, talking. What you must know is that I went to a very large school. There were so many students on campus that it was hard to walk to class on time even without these roadblocks because kids were already walking everywhere there was to walk - sidewalks, roads, across the grass.**** Try to imagine walking down the street in a place like New York City and encountering such a group. You would NOT be happy. But why was it only them? And why didn't they ever move, even though everyone was obviously glaring at them? Gah.
But lest you think that I have something against Asians, allow me to share some of my visually acquired knowledge of my community's Indian population (Yes, I know that technically they are Asian too, but go with me here). One, they're afraid of dogs. Or maybe just my dog. Which doesn't make any sense because my dog isn't excessively large and is fairly calm and sweet looking. Yet, every time I walk her around my apartment development (which is predominantly Indian) the children scream/run away when they see her and the parents pull their children away from us. When this first happened to me, I assumed that perhaps that family had had a particularly bad experience with another black dog. But it kept happening. Over and over. And only with the Indian folks. Again, I feel like I'm missing some cultural thing. But really, people, the screaming is excessive. Not to mention it's a good way to get my dog's attention. And when you run away from us, she just wants to follow you. So stop it.
Two, Indians like to wander around on walks. At any time of day or night. And generally I'm in favor of this. Being outside is a good thing. I like to be outside. But when you do it at 11:30 pm and you're not walking your dog or on the phone, it's a little creepy. Why are you walking around in the cold and dark for no reason? In fact, shouldn't you be getting ready for bed? Don't you have work in the morning? I don't get it.
You might expect that I'd move on to Black observations next (since I'm assuming that you think I'm a raging racist by this point). But you'd be wrong. I really haven't noticed any things that I would call group trends (like those above). Except that you really don't want to mess with a Black woman. Because you will lose. Always. And that little Black boys are adorable. And they're really good distance runners in general (see the NYC marathon for proof). Instead, my next set of observations are of White people. Like me. I am included in all of these things. For better or worse. For instance, White people can't jump. We're also slow. It's true. Don't even argue with me. I've accepted it. Try running track for a year and then you'll understand. In general, Whites are rednecks in the South, rude in the North, and slow (no, relaxed isn't an excuse) on the West Coast. That's just the way it is. Put one of us somewhere else, and everyone will know where we're from.***** I'm sure you can guess where I was raised. Whites also seem to have a strange obsession with Starbucks. On all levels. I can't fathom why.****** Finally, I've noticed that White Americans are ignorant of what's going on outside our own country. I've traveled abroad a ton and I always feel like an idiot. Find me 10 people off the street - who are not politicians - who can tell you what the G20 is. My point exactly.
So, does this post make me a racist? Is it really wrong to point out a trend just because it applies to a group? I don't think so. Just as long as you realize that every person is an individual. Even if they do look confused, wander late at night, or go to Starbucks religiously.
* If I didn't mention this already, all names have been...adapted.
**By Asian here I mean those who were not born in this country. And quite obviously learned their driving skills elsewhere. Gah.
***In this case, it was specifically this group of people so don't go making assumptions that I'm a racist. I never saw anyone else do it to the same ridiculous extent.
****Not to mention the fact that we had to dodge buses, bikers, skateboarders, rollerbladers, and even a unicyclist to begin with.
*****The same could be true for the other racial groups, but to me they seem to have a much more overarching cultural identity than White Americans. White people tend to identify more by region, in my experience.
******I have an enduring hatred for Starbucks. This is mostly because they tore down the Dairy Queen in my hometown and built a Starbucks. Damn it.
I was just having a discussion with my friend Jack*. We were going back and forth about driving woes when I mentioned I'd love to complain about foreign drivers (mentally referring to Asians**) in a post but that would be racist. The response I got?
Jack: "Not racist, foreignist. Unless they're asian and you focus on that. Then it's racist."
Excuse me, what was that? When I said "horrible foreign drivers" you immediately assumed I was talking about Asians without me having to say it? Gee, I wonder why you jumped to that conclusion. NOT. Enter my complete lack of surprise. Why? Because it's true. Every morning on my commute to work I spy at least five of these poor souls looking lost and confused as they frantically (or hesitantly - which is even worse considering the vicious nature of American motorists) try to navigate the roads. For some forsaken reason, the concept of "merge here" doesn't seem to compute with them. They consistently try to continue driving next to me with a confused expression, competing to be in front even though -following the "zipper" merge method- it is rightfully my turn to go. WTF people? Wait your turn. I don't know why you look so confused. It's not that hard. This isn't to say that they are the only offenders in this respect - they are hardly the only ones who do it. But next time you're driving, look at the Asian driver next to you and tell me they don't look scared or confused by their surroundings. Am I wrong? Even Iz agrees with me, and she's Asian.
Maybe there's some cultural connection that I'm missing. Maybe not. But this same clump- and-ignore-the-people-trying-to-get-around-you concept doesn't just apply to them when approaching a merge in the road. They do it on foot, too. On my college campus, we had a huge foreign exchange population. This made for some awesome diversity at the school, and I was very much a fan of it. What I was not a fan of was what Blondie and I came to call "flocking Asians."*** Essentially, this referred to the obnoxiously large gatherings of exchange students on the sidewalk. These people would flock into groups of about ten and would just stand in the middle of the sidewalk, talking. What you must know is that I went to a very large school. There were so many students on campus that it was hard to walk to class on time even without these roadblocks because kids were already walking everywhere there was to walk - sidewalks, roads, across the grass.**** Try to imagine walking down the street in a place like New York City and encountering such a group. You would NOT be happy. But why was it only them? And why didn't they ever move, even though everyone was obviously glaring at them? Gah.
But lest you think that I have something against Asians, allow me to share some of my visually acquired knowledge of my community's Indian population (Yes, I know that technically they are Asian too, but go with me here). One, they're afraid of dogs. Or maybe just my dog. Which doesn't make any sense because my dog isn't excessively large and is fairly calm and sweet looking. Yet, every time I walk her around my apartment development (which is predominantly Indian) the children scream/run away when they see her and the parents pull their children away from us. When this first happened to me, I assumed that perhaps that family had had a particularly bad experience with another black dog. But it kept happening. Over and over. And only with the Indian folks. Again, I feel like I'm missing some cultural thing. But really, people, the screaming is excessive. Not to mention it's a good way to get my dog's attention. And when you run away from us, she just wants to follow you. So stop it.
Two, Indians like to wander around on walks. At any time of day or night. And generally I'm in favor of this. Being outside is a good thing. I like to be outside. But when you do it at 11:30 pm and you're not walking your dog or on the phone, it's a little creepy. Why are you walking around in the cold and dark for no reason? In fact, shouldn't you be getting ready for bed? Don't you have work in the morning? I don't get it.
You might expect that I'd move on to Black observations next (since I'm assuming that you think I'm a raging racist by this point). But you'd be wrong. I really haven't noticed any things that I would call group trends (like those above). Except that you really don't want to mess with a Black woman. Because you will lose. Always. And that little Black boys are adorable. And they're really good distance runners in general (see the NYC marathon for proof). Instead, my next set of observations are of White people. Like me. I am included in all of these things. For better or worse. For instance, White people can't jump. We're also slow. It's true. Don't even argue with me. I've accepted it. Try running track for a year and then you'll understand. In general, Whites are rednecks in the South, rude in the North, and slow (no, relaxed isn't an excuse) on the West Coast. That's just the way it is. Put one of us somewhere else, and everyone will know where we're from.***** I'm sure you can guess where I was raised. Whites also seem to have a strange obsession with Starbucks. On all levels. I can't fathom why.****** Finally, I've noticed that White Americans are ignorant of what's going on outside our own country. I've traveled abroad a ton and I always feel like an idiot. Find me 10 people off the street - who are not politicians - who can tell you what the G20 is. My point exactly.
So, does this post make me a racist? Is it really wrong to point out a trend just because it applies to a group? I don't think so. Just as long as you realize that every person is an individual. Even if they do look confused, wander late at night, or go to Starbucks religiously.
* If I didn't mention this already, all names have been...adapted.
**By Asian here I mean those who were not born in this country. And quite obviously learned their driving skills elsewhere. Gah.
***In this case, it was specifically this group of people so don't go making assumptions that I'm a racist. I never saw anyone else do it to the same ridiculous extent.
****Not to mention the fact that we had to dodge buses, bikers, skateboarders, rollerbladers, and even a unicyclist to begin with.
*****The same could be true for the other racial groups, but to me they seem to have a much more overarching cultural identity than White Americans. White people tend to identify more by region, in my experience.
******I have an enduring hatred for Starbucks. This is mostly because they tore down the Dairy Queen in my hometown and built a Starbucks. Damn it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)