Bathroom Phenomena

I honestly had no intention of posting again so soon, but after my little adventure in the land of bathroom etiquette just now, I had to sit down and get this out (no pun intended, really).

You may have noticed -actually you should have noticed, and if you haven't this is directed at you- that there are certain unspoken rules when it comes to using public restrooms.  For instance, in the chick world, there are some cardinal bathroom practices:
-  Always help out another girl who is stranded without toilet paper.  You know it could be you next time.
- Do your best to avoid lurking near the cracks between stall doors lest someone think you're trying to spy on them.
- Wait calmly in line( unless you're lucky enough to find a deserted ladies' room).

- If it is too quiet in the bathroom, you know someone is trying to poop.  Leave as fast as you can so they can get on with it. 
-No cell phone conversations.  Ever.  Hang up and call back. Your chatter in the stall next door makes me self conscious.

Of course, rule numero uno for any bathroom is that you DO NOT use the stall next to someone when there are other open stalls.  You just don't.  It's creepy.  You're too close to me, and when I can hear every move you make -when I can hear you breathing-  I know that you can hear me too and it just ruins my bathroom experience.
 
So, why do people at my office insist on choosing the stall next to mine when the bathroom isn't crowded? Why would they even want to?  How could they possibly not fathom how awkward the situation is?  I can not only hear you trying to hold your breath, but the sound of you peeing is so loud that you might as well be on my lap.  Uncomfortable and unnecessary. Please, there are three other open stalls in the bathroom (four if you count the one with the door that gets stuck closed).  Pick one of them.  I strategically placed myself in this stall so you have the optimum number of other-stall options.  MOVE OVER.

Also, how is it that everyone chooses to use the bathroom at the same time?  I'm honestly vexed by this question.  For the past month, I've noticed that at certain times when I walk into the bathroom  ALL of the stalls are taken (except for one).  This presents a horrible situation.  I obviously have to pee, but I want to leave because the bathroom is packed.  I'm trapped, however, by that one open stall.  I have to use it.  Which then makes me that person who sits in the stall next to you.  But I can't avoid it because all of the other stalls are taken.  Thus I'm trapped in a warped vortex of bathroom manners that pulls me in all directions.  Have to pee - must stay.  Too many people in here - must go.  But there's an open stall - must STAYYY. But I don't want to sit next to someone - must GOOOO.  All in all I generally end up agitated and dash into the empty stall, holding my breath so the person next to me doesn't hear me and trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.  If you tell me this hasn't happened to you at least once, you're lying.

...I draw pictures. poorly.

Yes, it's true. But then again, I also do this when people are in the room.  In fact, most of my drawing occurs in a room full of people.  People who are discussing things that I should, but generally do not, care about.  OK, so mostly I just draw in meetings when I'm bored, and I do it mostly to stay awake.  There is something about a three hour meeting in which I don't get to participate that just makes me tired, no matter what time of day it is.  The sun is warm on my back, my eyelids inevitably start to slide shut, and my head nods (which I try to pass off as agreeing with whatever is being said). Somehow micronaps have the power to overcome any and all of my good staying-awake intentions. This is especially true when everyone already know the outcome of the meeting, but we have to sit there for three hours listening to five people -who don't even work for us-  banter back and forth only to eventually tell us what we already know.  Which makes these meetings pointless.  Completely. Pointless.  The upshot to this waste of time is that they feed us.  But this doesn't go very far in terms of keeping me awake.  In fact, sometimes I think it just makes me more sleepy. 

So, in my quest to stay awake and not get fired during these redundant gatherings, I've turned to drawing.  Scribbling is perhaps a more appropriate term.  My attempts at art are honestly quite sad, and frequently resemble (if you can even decipher what I was trying to depict in the first place) something a six year old would bring home from kindergarten.  While I'm by no means proud of these doodles, I happen to have amassed a small pile of them on random scraps of paper.  For your viewing pleasure I've created a page dedicated solely to these masterpieces of boredom.  I'll continue to add them as they come about (and also after I get my printer/scanner hooked up to my laptop again.  You'd think after nine months in my current apartment it'd be all set, but no).

From my calendar, I can see that I have not just one, but two of these never-ending meetings coming up right after Thanksgiving.  So prepare yourself for a miraculous show.